What’s Next For Precocious Adirondack Bears?

There is a theory floating around out there that holds the earth’s species are continually evolving, or devolving, as the case may be. In the case of Adirondack bears, we have clear evidence they are evolving intellectually. Although I am not sure it is the artificial cheese product providing the brain boost as I postulated a few days ago. My experiment with artificial cheese product during my freshman year of college did not produce better grades, it just made me chubby. No, I think it is the antioxidants in the wild blueberries enjoyed by the Adirondack bears that is making them so smart. The fact that the wild blueberry crop is doing just fine this year highlights an interesting point: bear behavior is changing. Not too long ago, bear breaking and entering incidents and nuisance calls were frequent during times of drought conditions and poor food supply. Lately, however, it seems the bears prefer people food.
Although some of the recent bear behavior, like figuring out how to open complicated food containers, is very endearing, the question arises, “Is this advanced bear behavior cause for concern?” Perhaps humans are at risk to be conquered and ruled by these “Godless murderers” as Steven Colbert describes the members of this meat eating family Ursidae. Even the Huffington Post is covering the impending threat from man-eating Adirondack bears. I do not see cause for concern. Empirical evidence suggests bears are evolving at a faster rate than humans. They’ve made the jump to junk food addiction very quickly as we see with their penchant for Easy Cheese and donuts. The bears are likely to catch up to humans as we head into the Idiocracy Period over the next few years. As you can see in today’s featured photo, our bruin cousins are already acting like teenage humans whose fashion choices imitate those of popular celebrities. Clearly, Yellow-Red loves her fetching new ear look, inspired by the television star Yellow-Yellow. More importantly, however, is she also a Yellow-Yellow apprentice and are they already plotting their next move?

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